First of all, if you lived in Turkey in the early 1980's, outside films were rarer than a clean Alabama gene pool. Therefore, Turkish filmmakers would film their own while heavily ripping off American movies, most notably Star Wars. When watching this movie(originally titled something along the lines of 'Adam, The Man Who Saved The World' but now just called 'Turkish Star Wars'), your first impression will be that the Turkish film industry is comprised entirely of staggering drunk imbeciles, from the producers to the grips. Note: the English rendition of the director's last name is 'Inane'. What more could you ask?

To save money on production, actually, scratch that; after you've seen this, you'll realize that no money was spent, so how can one save any? To keep from filming too much actual footage, Inane spliced in a hefty amount of Star Wars footage, nearly all of which is completely unrelated to the movie, and will actually confuse you if you're not already lost. Also featured is a lead actor with a classic example of Turkish dentistry (missing front teeth), gratuitous trampoline stunts, some utterly laughable kung fu sequences (like watching an overweight man who just OD'd on painkillers trying to kick someone) and a cadre of villians in Halloween outfits that would have been rejected by the 3rd string Power Rangers extras. As a matter of fact, I believe a few of these guys pop up later on as Teletubbies.

In order to make it through this infamous cinematic trainwreck, you'll need plenty of beverages. Here's your mission. Whenever you see a missing tooth, drink. Whenever the red shag carpet beasts make an appearance, drink. Whenever a phrase has been poorly rendered into English, don't drink, because you won't last 15 minutes. Whenever someone does a stunt off a trampoline through a smoke bomb (needs smoke bombs to cover up said trampoline), drink. If a monster has his head torn off (quite often) and you can still see the actor's head beneath, drink heavily. When a monster is torn in half or kicked/punched through and you can see the edges of the carpet, shotgun a beer. Everytime you hear a ripped off strain of music (the Indiana Jones sequences are my favorites) and can correctly identify it, make your partner drink. Everytime the film switches from Turkish footage to Star Wars, body shots all around. Should you get the urge to drink for no reason, drink freely, there's always a reason.

If you're still alive at the end, ask yourself this question; why is Turkey named after a bird that doesn't live there?

If you figure that out, maybe you can tell me who had the bright idea to film Turkish Star Wars 2 in 2006?