First of all, make your son take information technology in college so that you can learn all the technical stuff in layman's terms so that you can explain it to someone who knows nothing about computers, like the me I used to be.

When the computer age began, I was in denial that something as small as a metal box would one day control my life. My first lesson in using a computer came at a retail store where I worked. My manager told me to type information into the little boxes and press enter. For years, that was all I knew. No one had bothered to show me how to turn the thing on or off. It never occurred to me that it even had a power button. Then, one day a fellow employee came in with a "computer print-out" of an aerial map of his home that a friend had emailed him the previous evening. In awe, the five of us gathered around the 8 X 10 print-out, astounded that anyone might be able to find any single person with just the click of a button. Clearly, the time had come to learn what this computer business was all about.

My "introduction" to learning about computers and software came about quite by accident. While job hunting, I stopped in at a local employment agency to find out how I might find out where to go or who to contact in order to fatten up my resume with skills that future employers might find more enticing than being able to dust counter tops, use a cash register, or simple arithmetic. Fortunately for me, the employment agency offered free training, using tutorials, once I signed up with them for temporary job listings. Through them, I learned Microsoft Word, Excel, various accounting programs and a multitude of useful software programs designed to make employers choose me over my competition.

Oddly enough, my first temporary job was at a computer manufacturer and supplier! As my knowledge and interest grew, the day finally came when I was chosen to be on a team, selling currently popular brand-name computers. Finally, I could communicate with my own son without having a translator!

Realizing how many people out there know very little about computers, sharing my experience can only prove beneficial to those persons who suffer from computerphobia--afraid to speak up, afraid to admit it, and clearly in need of help.

First of all, when you open the box that all the equipment comes in--do not panic. Most companies now use color coded outlets called "ports" to plug in your equipment and instructions that are easy to understand. They are also shaped differently so that you will not attempt to plug an oblong plug into a round outlet. Most of the colors are blue, red, yellow, green, white and the usual school-age crayon colors most adults are familiar with using as a child. Nothing has changed there, thank God.

Once everything is plugged in and the electricity is on, your computer is now live and ready to operate. Do not test it by using your DVD outlet as a cupholder or kleenex holder. It is not made to hold anything except your DVD. Also, keep all fluids away from your keyboard. Your computer is an electronic instrument that runs on electricity. Water and electricity do not mix. Spills short out your keyboard. If you try to use it, you might get electrocuted. Either wait until it is completely dry--up to five days--or buy another keyboard. Just admit it. Coke and keyboards were not meant to go together--anywhere. If you need to clean your keyboard, be certain it is unplugged entirely from your computer's processor--the metal box that sits on the floor.

The processor is the brain of your computer. The type of processor inside of your computer will determine what you can and cannot do. For example, a celeron processor is like a first grader compared to the Dual Core of the Senior in school terms. A celeron processor is fine for homework. It is not meant to handle thousands of words as in the writing of novels. It is limited in its "intelligence," so to speak. It is classified as "basic" or beginner's first computer processor. In addition, processors cannot be upgraded just like our brains cannot be transplanted.

Secondly, you will need to choose an operating system, otherwise you will be unable to write a letter, make a chart, or do any of the things that you thought you could do just because you got a computer. Today, Windows Vista is the system of choice as it combines various and sundry needs into one package. Some companies have wised up, explaining what their systems are able to do. Others have yet to attempt layman's terms.

Next, you will need to choose the size of your monitor. Self-explanatory, right? A monitor is the means to view what you want to see. Your choices today include the boxy television-type monitor or the new flat screen, which enables one to use as much or as little of one's desk space as one chooses. A fifteen inch monitor is fine. Since the keyboard is not twenty feet away from the monitor, there should be no reason to be unable to see your monitor. If you decide to choose a larger monitor--a 20 inch, perhaps--remember, it is 20 inches wide, the size of a suitcase, which is fine if all you want to do is watch movies on your computer. But, keep in mind that flat screens are easier to tip over if bumped.

The memory of your computer can be as small or as large as you choose. 512 mb is half of a 1gb--which means that 1 gigabyte of memory holds a lot of information. 512 holds half as much. Unless you plan to download music by the millions, you will not need 4 gbs of memory. The same is true of your hard drive.

Your hard drive is the amount of storage space in your computer that holds information much like the archives in the main branch of the largest library you can remember. 160gb is plenty for most people, unless you are a writer or a musician. 250gb is a good choice. 500gb is like renting Jupiter for a two year old's birthday party.

Of course, if you want to hear anything, you might consider buying speakers for those odd moments when you click on a trailer, advertising the latest Harry Potter movie. Normally, the keyboard and mouse are included in the purchase price. With some sellers, it is best to ask. The mouse is the small critter that does your pointing so that you can click. Without a mouse, there is not much you can do. By the way, using a mouse for the first time can be quite a challenge because the pointer seems to go everywhere but where you want it to go. Just practice. It'll come to you soon enough.

Additional features include choosing a modem--if you wish to fax from your computer, printers, paper, ink cartridges, software, security systems and so forth. The one item you will need is the software you plan to use immediately. When it is installed in the factory, it is always cheaper than having to buy it in the store, unless you already own what you need. One program may cost up to $300, if purchased individually. Sometimes, there is a discount if you purchase two or more programs that you may not use very often but may want to use in the future.

Another important issue for most companies is the warranty, which is limited to "defects in manufacturers parts and labor" and then usually for 90 days. But not always. Most companies want customers to purchase maintenance agreements that they still refer to as a LTD (limited) warranty or "upgrade" the warranty. A warranty is not a guarantee. They also offer, at a price, call-in service for problems new owners have in getting connected, using software, downloading software issues and a variety of similar new-owner problems. If you are a klutz, then consider Accidental Coverage a necessity, not an option.

Because of the current trend in electronic advancement, it is most likely that the computer you purchase today will be outdated within six months to a year. Computers, like cars, depreciate in value. They are made to fit certain needs of customers. Within two to five years, the needs of customers usually change. If you compare buying a computer with buying a car, you can expect approximately the same type of mileage, depending on use and abuse. People seldom downgrade the type of cars they drive. The same philosophy applies to the computer.

In closing, I wish you much success in your computer purchase and hope the two of you will be very happy together.