Hey...I'm only here to help.  Do you want the title of being eBay's Worst?  Looking to get more Negative Feedbacks than anyone in history?  Here are 10 ways you can almost guarantee to get Negative Feedback (or at least really tick someone off).

BUYERS, don't bother going through Check-Out.

After all, going through Check-Out gives both the BUYER and SELLER a written record of the transaction, making life easier for everyone.  Instead, get your SELLER ticked off by not only avoiding Check-Out, but when you send your payment, do so without referencing your purchase.  Go directly to Paypal instead of through Check-Out, and never refer to your auction...let your SELLER spend his or her time figuring out what in the world you were buying.  After all, most SELLERS only have a few hundred auctions they have to go through to find yours.

If you're a SELLER, fail to give the BUYER positive feedback.

After all...they're only Customers and who cares about them after you make your sale, right?

BUYERS, Save your money for as long as you can. 

Make the SELLER turn you into eBay as a Non-Payer...then, right before the grace period ends, send the SELLER a note giving some lame excuse and promising that you'll have your payment in the mail the next day.  Then wait two weeks more before and refuse to return his or her emails.

SELLERS, protect "Mother Earth" by refusing to use any form of plastic bubblewrap or styrophone peanuts to protect items.

Blame the BUYER for not taking out insurance or the mailing service if things arrive broken.  Refuse returns of broken items.  And if you DO use padding, use something extremely messy like paper from your shredder...that's sure to leave quite an impression to the BUYER.

Make a habit of cancelling your bids a few minutes before an auction is slated to end.

The more bidders and watchers you have the better "response" you'll get from cancelling bids.  Try it with a Wii system at Christmas time for bonus points!  It won't necessarily get you Negative Feedback, but it'll certainly sour any future sales possibilities...

SELLERS, make outlandish claims about your products.

After all, it's only your reputation and you're selling to strangers anyhow, right?  And in the spirit of world peace, take time to especially rip off international buyers.  Use ambiguous words so that you can later claim you actually meant one thing when your auction said something else.  I mean hey, it works for the politicians so why not you?

BUYERS, expect perfection of items, even when a picture clearly shows that there is a flaw or when the description says it's "used."

Threaten giving out bad feedback unless you're completely satisfied...and then, when the SELLER makes things right, give them a neutral rating just to emphasize your dissatisfaction.

SELLERS, make your photographs so blurry that no one can actually see the quality of your item.

There a double benefit from this practice.  You add mystery to your auctions, and when you end up sending junk you can say, "Hey...it's what you saw in the picture!"

If you're a BUYER, leave negative feedback for others even when the transaction has gone well.  And give low 1-star ratings.

5-Star ratings are the bread and butter of SELLERS...it helps keep their costs down, as eBay gives them a small discount for excellent ratings.  So be sure to make life as difficult for the SELLER as possible, by leaving low ratings and sarcastic remarks on their Feedback.  That's sure to get some nasty Follow-Up comments on your Feedback and possibly get your banned from bidding on future items from that particular SELLER.  Woohoo!

And finally, if you're a SELLER, just take the money and run.

After all, it only means bad Feedback and possible fines and prison sentences for Mail Fraud.  Think of how relaxing life could be behind bars...

If you found this Guide at least tolerable (or if it brought at least one grin to your face), feel free to mark this "HELPFUL."  If not, no sweat....it's not like you're giving me Negative Feedback...