If you are anything like my wife and me, preparing for the arrival of your baby is proving to be a daunting task. On top of the physical preparations, you must also prepare for a life change like no other you have experienced. You appreciate this and have anticipated it. You have probably read just about every book there is to read about pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing. Perhaps you have taken Lamaze classes, attended seminars on the care of infants, learned how to administer CPR on a baby, and even brushed up on some yoga or other relaxation techniques. Still, you may wonder if you are truly ready for the birth of your baby.  Perhaps you are. 

As an experienced parent who has been present for the birth of my two children - both of whom unexpectedly arrived by emergency Caesarian procedures, I can tell you that ready is a relative term. If you are not prepared in advance for any number of possibilities, then the day can quickly get  away from you. Thankfully, in addition to being well informed, we were quite well prepared for most of what we were to face. I hope that reading this guide helps you to find that balance too.  

Must-Read Books

First, if you have not already added it to your library, you should rush out and purchase a copy of The Baby Book, which is the ABSOLUTE BEST REFERENCE AVAILABLE for new and expecting parents. Once you are finished reading it for the first time, place it in a prominent and accessible location atop your bedside table because you will want to revisit sections of it with regularity.  Also helpful to us were Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth.

Prior to Labor and Delivery

Hire a Doula

A doula is a birth assistant who will work with a midwife or obstetrician in caring for the birthing mother.  She can provide support and suggestions for partners to enhance their birthing experience.  She can run interference with family members and hospital staff, and can occasionally offer objectivity in a charged situation. Since most health insurance plans do not cover the cost of a doula, you will likely have to pay the $400 to $800 fee out of your own pocket, but I guarantee you that this is money well spent. Services can include pre-natal counseling, presence in the delivery room and post-partum assistance. The two doulas we worked with were incredible. They made our birth experience comfortable and positive, and helped empower us during the entire process. Having a doula at the birth can also further empower the father to be an outspoken advocate for his partner and new child.

But don't take MY word for it!  Studies have shown that the presence of a doula at a birth can:

• Reduce active labor time and minimize complications
• Reduce the need for Pitocin administration, forceps delivery or vacuum extraction of the baby
• Lower the incidence of caesarian sections

One place to find a doula near you is through DONA International, online.

Make A Belly Cast

It is a relatively recent phenomenon, but many expectant mothers are making a souvenir of their pregnancy by preparing a plaster cast of their belly with their baby still inside. Making the BELLY CAST is a great occasion to get together with your doula and/or other birthing partners before the onset of labor, and it is a great tribute to the tremendous journey you have taken so far.

Write and Share Your Birth Plan

In addition to being well informed, and well represented, you should write a birth plan.  A birth plan is simply a detailed and systematic way to formalize your expectations for, and key decisions surrounding your birthing experience. You should answer questions about the timing and acceptable administration of drugs, whether or not you plan to save the placenta, who should cut the umbilical cord, whether or not to save cord blood, the appropriateness of an episiotomy, even who should be present for the delivery. This should all be decided well before the onset of labor, and far enough in advance to allow time to put it all in writing, and to share what you have decided with your family, your doula, and your doctor. In the labor and delivery room, have the plan with you.  A birth plan does not mean that you cannot change your mind, rather it will comfort you to know that everything has been essentially worked out in advance, just in case things start moving too quickly.  

You can find many very good examples of birth plans online. If you choose to work with a doula, she should be able to provide guidance in this area as well. 

Post-Delivery

Especially if you have had a C-section, after your baby is born, and often before the mother is given the go-ahead to breast-feed, he is whisked away to the nursery for an extended period of time. What you do in the moments following delivery are critical to his swift return to your arms.   

Post-Delivery Procedures

The well-intentioned hospital folks will tell you that their post-delivery procedure is necessary for the health of the baby, and everyone will act like it is a natural thing for your baby to be separated from his mother as soon as he is born, and then returned to her at some later time. You will be told that the baby must have a Vitamin-K injection in his thigh, antibiotic ointment smeared in his eyes, and that he must be weighed and have his temperature stabilized before returning to his mother. This is all nonsense. The baby must be returned to his mother as quickly as humanly possible, and should remain in her care until they are both discharged from the hospital.  So, how do you make this happen?

Dad's Most Important Job

After your baby is delivered, and preparations are being made to wheel the child away, DAD CAN TAKE OVER pushing the cart with the baby in it, wheeling his new infant wherever they tell him to, but making it clear to everyone that the return trip will be smooth and swift and SOON. He can decline or postpone any or all of the treatments, including the vitamin-K and the ointment. He can also comfort and bond with his new baby during this abbreviated process. I guarantee you that you'll get your baby back to his mother and back into your care quickly if you do it this way. If you don't choose to push the cart, or decide to stay in the delivery room as the baby is being wheeled away, you will probably not be allowed access to the baby for a considerable period of time. 

Rooming-In

Contrary to popular belief, your baby will NOT keep you up all night in the hospital. After a relatively short period of activity and alertness immediately following birth (during which time your baby should be granted unrestricted access to his mother's breast and the warmth of her body), your baby will want to sleep. She knows you, and will want to be in close proximity to both parents. Despite this, it is a common practice to send the baby to the nursery at night. In fact, many hospitals advocate this approach, most likely for their own convenience. Having been into the nursery at night, I can attest to the fact that rooming-in is a much better option for the baby. Any vitals check can be made just as easily in your room, and you can request to have these checks coordinated with other necessary visits.    

Taking Baby to the Nursery

There is absolutely no reason why the hospital staff should need to take your baby to nursery without you. Take charge!  If they insist on having your baby in the nursery for some reason, simply take your baby there yourself.  They really don't want other people in the nursery, so they'll do everything they can to get you and your baby out of there as quickly as possible. 

Circumcision

This is your decision to make. Don't let anyone bully you. Get the facts about it, and add your decision to your birth plan. Don't feel uncomfortable asking the questions that you need to. This is not a minor decision, and should not be an after-thought. Nor should the surgery be performed on your baby simply because the doctor happens to be there to do it. Be sure you are comfortable with the decision that you make. If you need advice, send me a note. I'll be happy to share everything I know about the subject.

I hope this guide has helped you, or has at least given you some things to think about that you otherwise would not have considered.  Buy the Sears book!  I wish you the best birthing experience possible!  

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