Having been married twice (still married 2nd time around), dated innumerable people and worked as a crisis counselor for several years, I'd like to share some tips and tricks in finding "true love" or at least marriage material.

Step 1. Make the decision that you are ready. Take a look at any fears that might influence or interfere. Make the time to be comfortable with who you are and where you are right now. Why are you looking for marriage right now?

Are you afraid of being alone? Learn to be okay with being with yourself. Marriage will not cure lonliness.

Are you afraid that if you don't get married now all the good ones will be gone? When you are ready, there will be someone for you. I promise.

Are you afraid of what your family and friends will think if you are still unmarried by age 25, 30, 35? Each of us needs learn to make decisions based on what is right for who we are right now. There is no perfect age for marriage. There is no surer path to failure than to make decisions based on what others expect of us.

Deal with these issues BEFORE you start looking - they are time bombs that will sabotage your future relationships.

Step 2. Take inventory of where you are in life and how you'd like life to look in the future. Be honest. Consider questions like:

Do you want children, now, in the future? What if you cannot have kids, or if your partner has kids from a previous relationship?

What kind of relationship do you want, the traditional or a variation? Both work, one stays at home with the children. Highly defined roles, very relaxed and somewhat chaotic lifestyle? What part does religion play in your life if at all. Do you light incense together, spend all day Sunday at church? Choose not to participate?

How important is money and what are you willing to sacrifice to have that level in your life in the future?  What do you expect from your partner? What is the top priority in your life? If it is money, be ready for a lonely life.

What does home mean to you? Where is home? Is it exciting city life or is it quieter suburbia. Are you living in the area you'd like to live now, doing the type of work, part of the groups and hobbies that fulfill your life? You have a better chance of attracting the right person into your life if you are already living the life you have always dreamed about, according to your values and priorities.

Step 3. When you have tamed your fears and taken steps to create your future hopes and dreams now, when you have stopped expecting marriage to save you, change your life, make your dreams come true, then you are ready to start looking.

Step 4. Date. Pick up the book 'How to Date like a Man" and "The Rules". The premise of the first is that you won't find what you are looking for until you get out there and look. "Dating like a man" is about NOT selecting the first person you meet that almost fits your criteria.

"Dating like a man" is about going on  interviews, lots of interview. If they pass your criteria, they may get a second date but only if they are worthy. You don't have time to waste on cute, if only, well maybe, or he'll quit smoking and she'll stop drinking after we're married.

"The Rules" is about discipline, staying on the task of finding that partner. It is very useful in weeding out people who just aren't ready to be where you are now or who aren't as into you as you think you are to them. Isn't that what you are here for, to get married? If you hesitate at this point, stop. Go to the top of the page and start over. Are you ready to get married. Why do you want to get married now.

Step 5. You've interviewed a lot of candidates and found a FEW, not one, possibilities. Now is the time to get to know who these people are and what they are looking for and how they see their future. They are ready for marriage and are looking for that one person as well.

Look at what they expect from you, their values and priorities. How they deal with set-backs (anger, depression, fear). Can you trust them, can they trust you? Is this a person you would feel comfortable facing the ups and downs of the future with?

The basic principles of this guide involve YOU taking a look at you and why you are looking for marriage now.

If you are currently in a relationship and it is not heading towards marriage and that is where you'd like to be, take stock. Don't be afraid to walk away and into the future you'd like to have. If your current partner is not ready now it isn't a reflection on you or even on them. You CANNOT make another person be ready.

Before you embark on this quest, take the time to create your own life, one that reflects your interests, values and goals. Enjoy the richness of who you are and build friendships with people who value you for you.

There is someone for everyone. Don't settle and don't let your fears sabotage your life. Life is short - live it well. Accept nothing less.

IF you follow these words of advice, listen to your heart and not your fears, your chances of selecting the right partner for you and making it last increase greatly. Oh and buying items from our store will also increase your joy and intelligence quotient. :) -- look for us at songofsnow dot com

In Love and Light
Lynne and Ted