Tired of getting traffic tickets for speeding or other reasons?  Here are a couple easy and time-tested methods on how to get out of these tickets:

1) If you're a woman, simply explain to the officer pulling you over that you have a hemorrhaging cervical polyp (it's painful so make sure to use your acting skills to really showcase the pain) and that you are on the way to the emergency room of a nearby hospital.  The officer will not dare ask you for proof of your condition, and it's easy to fake.  :-)

2) If you're a man, try this similar tactic: Patiently explain to the officer that you have a bleeding anal fissure or anal fistula.  I know it sounds kinda gross but you're trying to get out of a ticket, remember??  Don't know what it means?  That's okay.  I don't have any idea either but it doesn't matter.  Just give some of your best painful grimaces as necessary to complete the play.  Simple as that.  ;-)

These suggestions are for entertainment purposes only.  However, if you do ever use one of these excuses, please let me know about your story.  I'd love to hear it.  Thanks, and have a great day!  :-D