I have had 3 failed marriages and feel like a failure as a human being so why in the world should I write a guide on how to find a wife? Because I care. I do not want others to suffer as I have suffered and I see society around me crumbling down around it's moral foundation. I put that picture up so you can see the person speaking to you; it helps me reflect on the person in that picture that is so far away from me. I want to do my part to make society better and I want it to start right here.

I have had many great examples of loving relationships and marriages that have stood the test of time. I have had the benefit of parents who love me unconditionally, who have taught me unconditional love and also parents that have strived to lead a good moral life for their spouse, for God for happiness and to illistarate a love filled life by a life filled with love. I have deep compassion for my family and I have 2 wonderful brothers and 2 wonderful sisters who have families of their own and share their love with me.

I even have a wonderful teen aged daughter who loves me more than herself, in saying that, I am certain no matter what I do she would shurely lay down her life for me, as I most assuredly would lay my life down for her sake. I have tried to make every single choice in my life be one that would build in a positive way on hers. I have succeeded and failed as any father might, and am secure in the relationship we share with one another and with our wonderful family. Why do I feel so empty?

I know what being poor is like and know what being rich is like and have seen blessings in both. I have true friends and do care for others and have had the opportunity to travel as well. I am never bored and have many intrests. I have always thought I was fine being alone and that maybe if I could handle it then, "let it be me". I now can be in a room filled with loved ones and feel completely alone and lonely.

My first eager try at marriage was a fast paced youthful progression at getting better. I wanted to be a great husband, have a great wife and raise a wonderful family. Then, the marriage was over. (on a side note, that is when my daughter arrived and from 10 months old I dedicated every weekend to her and a visit each wednesday evening. She has turned out perfectly; I could not have chosen a better little girl.)

I was without a wife for 9 years, dating a bit, even one very very special woman. I worked hard and long and gathered up things, mostly money and toys and was lucky enough to have gathered some wonderful memories in the 9 years. I read books by the great marriage councilors of our time and tried to take notes and make myself better. What I first came away with is how I might know if I was ready for marriage. I read once that if you come to a point in your relationship where you can say that you could not possibly live the rest of your life without that person in your life, then and just then, are you ready to start thinking about marriage. Powerful stuff there; I took it to heart. I would be willing to lay down my life for a woman and I would take very seriously the prospect of marriage. I failed miserably -- strike 2 I thought.

I lost my moral compass and that I believe let selfishness slide very sneakily into my life ever so slowly. I believe one way or another that sefishness was the root problem of my relationships; sometimes it was not me being selfish, human nature, what can you do I figured. I learned about forgiveness some more and learned about being self-less. I learned about laying down my life for love's sake, to kee to keep her feelings, concerns safety and security in a safer and better place then even my own. I began to see that there may be a light.

She came, I fell in love with my 3rd wife and had it in my mind that come hell or high water it was for keeps. We treated each other like hell and always got into hot water. I love her so...... how can it go wrong when I love her so? It was my problem, no person is perfect and I was unwilling to accept them as imperfect as I loved this woman in more ways then I have known. I was truly content and happy.  I knew how to love her unconditionally but had no clue how to show it. the marriage was a moral disaster and it spiralled downward so quickly I could not fix one problem before another came along.

Now I know I do not have a clue, I do not even allow myself to be loved, not even by me. I want to ask you "How To Find A Wife"