HOW & WHY TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER (EVEN IF YOU NEVER HAVE DONE SO BEFORE)

THE REASON TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER:

 One of the sweetest things I ever saw in my life was a yellowed, dog-eared letter that my grandmother (97 years old last weekend) kept in a small cedar box in the back of her dresser drawer.  I think I was about 8 when she first showed it to me.  The writer, a mere 18 years old when he wrote it, wold become my beloved grandfather who was a robust man in his 40’s when I first saw the letter.  He was rather embarrassed by all the attention his missive got from time to time when my grandmother pulled it out and read the gentle words on the faded, lined pages.  It was clear to a child t the letter was precious then, but became more precious than gold when my Grandfather was killed in a freak accident only 10 years later. 

My grandpa wasn’t a writer, he was an everyday guy who worked hard, hunted and fished, worked in a mill and took care of a home in snow country.  He was more like John Wayne then John Wayne at times.  So, to imagine that the gentle, romantic and loving words in that letter came from him as a boy of only 18 was my first insight into the possibilty of love.  Hearing the words he wrote was allowing me to peek through a door into the human soul.  The words he wrote there followed a small, long forgotten misunderstanding in which he feared he might have lost the greatest love of his life – who later became my Grandma.  He clearly knew that she was his one great love – even at 18.  He feared his heart would break in not knowing whether she would be his, and therefore he had to take the chance and say how he felt and to ask how his 16 year old love felt in return. 

Even as writers and poets have struggled for the words to reverse the clock after a loss or to win over the one they love against great odds, at this moment in his life -- he did not struggle.  In the inspired moments he sat to write this powerful missive, he found the words and laid them there on the paper to convince his love to forgive him and return to him. 

As I watched my Grandmother’s eyes sparkle each time she retrieved and read the letter I could see many things; the power of words to heal, the way the written word can last a lifetime and beyond the tragic loss of the beloved, while words spoken are so often forgotten. There is a great joy of real love -- declared openly and welcomed between two people that becomes an important part of a family's history.   I am not sure, on that Autumn day when my grandfather wrote this letter, that he had any idea it would become the treasure it remains to this day.  If he had, perhaps he would have been lost in the details of spelling -- too worried about putting exactly the right words in exactly the right place.  If he had been worried about the details, he might have lost the essence of himself in the words and the urgency of the message.  It is for this reason above all that love letters must come from somewhere within us and be a vehicle to carry a personal and powerful message to the one and only person in our lives -- not necessarily perfect in structure and spelling. 

THE MECHANICS OF WRITING A LOVE LETTER:

1.  A few facts about the process:  Unless you have done this 1000 times and/or are in perfect harmony with all your memories, thoughts and feelings on any given day, your first attempt to write a love letter is unlikely to be the letter you want to present.  So, to start, you might want to scan this article and begin collecting thoughts related to each suggestion.  Having a list of items to pull together in a logical order and format for the letter you will write is easier than corralling random thoughts into a meaningful and cohesive love letter in a single sitting.  While your final product will be written on special stationery discussed below, practice on a computer or on lined tablet before copying your finished product to good stationery.  If you come up with a few good ideas but not enough to pull the letter together in a single sitting, put it away.  Come back a few hours later and revise it again.  Finally, read it at least a third time, (possibly out loud), revising as you go.  Each revision will improve the quality and flow of the letter and you will have fewer regrets concerning how you wrote it years later when it has become her most beloved treasure.  In fact, revisiting a well-written letter years later will give the writer much joy in remembering the thoughts and emotions of the time in which the letter was written.  It is always fun when your own eloquence surprises even you!

1. Wrap a Gift Beautifully – The Presentation of Your Love Letter.  Once you decide a love letter to be in order, you have decided to create a thing of importance and beauty, a literary gift to be cherished evermore.  Begin with beautiful paper or stationery.  Choose neutral, soft color, such as cream, white or light gray.  Use a fountain pen if you are experienced with one.  If a fountain pen is not a good tool for you, select a pen with a bold stroke. Black or brown ink color is best – stay away from colored inks – you want the power of the words to get all the attention, not the ink color.  Write only on a single side of each sheet of paper.  A love letter should be considered a personal gift, a handwritten letter is the best choice because it is so personal in its presentation and your handwriting is uniquely yours..

2. Inspiration and Ambience.  To be romantic in your words, you must feel romantic when creating them.  If you have a broken heart, you are probably already there.  Hopefully, your letter is being written from the happiness and joy of a loving heart instead of a broken one.  To begin, get romantically inspired, sit someplace quiet.  A secluded area is best to avoid having your thoughts interrupted as they come to you.  If you are inside, put on some soft, romantic music, dim the lights and perhaps add the ambience of candle light as you work.

3. Work Knowing You Are Making A Keepsake.  Begin by entering the date of your letter using the month, day, year and location (city and state).  As a gift that will be treasured and remembered for years to come – the date and place the words were memorialized is important when it is cherished in a special place and read and reread in the coming years.

4. Greeting Your Beloved in Written Format. Choose an informal and endearing salutation.  Use your love's first name.  Avoid nick names which may take away from the serious effort to express yourself and may sound silly many years later (Muffin, Short Stop)  A better approach would be, "My Beloved David…," or "My Dearest Kerrie . . ."Dearest Annie, the Love of My Life”

5. Opening the Letter and Your Heart’s Own Words.  A perfect place to start your love letter is by summarizing the sentiment you intend to detail within it or your reason(s) for writing it.  For instance, on the occasion of a proposal of marriage, a nice follow up might be a love letter.  An example of the opening might be “You are my own true best friend.  I turn to you and trust you above all others and it has been so easy to do so.  Over the past days and months I have come to realize all that you mean to me.  I cherish you.  I fell that it is time to express the feelings I have for you to be sure you know the absolute joy I find in being with you and my hopes and dreams for our future together.  Although I don’t aspire to write great literature, I sincerely hope the message I bring in this letter will be with you even when I am not, even as you reside in my heart every hour of every day I have known you.“

Leave the negatives out (i.e., “I don’t know how to say this but…”  Leave all disclaimers out of your Love Letter -- now is the time for positives.  When you have decided to take the positive step of writing a love letter, the most important aspect of it will be transporting your confidence in your love and all the feelings you have for your significant other into words that draw your beloved closer to you.  Let your hope that he or she feels the same about you and any fear of playing a fool remain unspoken in the text and in your heart as you write.  Never set the stage with negativity (“You probably think I am nuts but…”).  Instead, let your words be worthy of the loving and inspiring person you will give them to.  Most importantly, always remember that, if you do not open your heart and free yourself to say what is on your mind (and in your heart), your words are very likely to seem stilted or lacking in genuine feeling.  It is difficult to open yourself up – but if you have come this far in an important relationship, I am sure he or she is well worth the risk.
 
6. Explaining Yourself, the Body of the Love Letter.  You declared the purpose(s) for your love letter in the opening paragraph, (Just to say I Love You, To tell you I miss you, to ask you to marry me or just because…)  The body of your Love Letter should expound on the reason(s) you are writing by visiting specifics and by including how you came to be in love.  The following are ideas that may help you gather ideas to explain how and why you fell in love:

“You had me at hello” is a memorable movie line that certainly shows how important a short, well placed phrase can be in creating the perfect mental imagine of Love. Share the exact moment and context when you knew you were falling in love with him/her

Through the ages, it has often been said that falling in love makes us better people.  Tell your beloved about some of the most important ways your life has been positively changed for the better, because he or she is a part of it.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a painful truth when we are in love.  Describe what you feel when your beloved is away from you, and how good it feels when they return.
 
“Love Changes Everything” is more than a song. Explain why you can't imagine your life without him/her in it today.  Use some specific examples of how you are uplifted and/or changed by the gift of love he or she gives to you every day.

Love is uplifting.  Jerry Maguire stopped the hearts of many an audience member when he uttered the words, “You complete me.”  Share your thoughts on the things you share or have in common with your love.  Tell of some of the things you have learned from him/her that make you more of the man or women you were meant to be.

Nothing bonds as deeply as things shared.  In fact, things that don’t kill us have the potential to make us (and our bonds to one another) stronger.  Together, you collect memories and a shared history each day.  A Love Letter is the perfect opportunity to recall some special moments you and your beloved have sharedor storms you have weather and burdens made lighter because you love is with you..  If you are long married, there are many milestones that can be touchstones in your joined lives such as your wedding day, births of children, loss of a parent, a tragic accident or any deep personal loss.  Talk about them in the letter and what his or her support and steadfastness through those difficult moments meant to you.

Being unique, original or special to the person we respect and love is another great gift that love brings to us.  Do be sure that your words tell of your beloved’s uniqueness, special gifts and the moments when you recognized them first and continue to be grateful for them.  Let your beloved know that he or she is absolutely irreplaceable in your world.
 
As if your beloved was a painting, write down descriptive words or phrases to describe how you picture him or her in your mind’s eye.  Some great examples of descriptive words or phrases are:  An angel or angelic; loving or lover; generous of heart or spirit, giving, warm or warmth, trusting, luminous, alluring, tempting, sensual, sensuous, sensuality, seeing, tasting, touching, holding, caressing, warm or dear memories, gold, golden, merry, laughter, memorable, beautiful, darling, gorgeous, absence and return, velvet, voyage, A vision, lovely, feeling elated, elation, warm, happy, open, kisses, innocent, passionate, dreaming, dreamer, desirous, delirious, tempted, temptation, complete, desire, content, embrace, rose, adoring, stars, privileged, heart.  Imagine them using all of your senses.

7. Other Letters.  Don’t confuse love letters with love notes (casual, light-hearted musings), humorous notes (casual, funny missives designed to make someone laugh); or erotic writings (hot letters designed to set an entirely different kind of mood).  A Love Letter conveys deep emotion, genuine warmth and abiding respect for the one we love.  The feelings are conveyed through often difficult-to-visit and to describe feelings. 

8.  Be Inventive and Borrow When Necessary.  If you are a better poet than writer, perhaps poetry is the best way to convey your feelings appropriately to your beloved is to borrow from the best.  Don’t think you can write at all but have found the perfect words in another’s song lyric, poem or writing?  Here’s a newsflash – if words touch you and you recognize good ones to convey feelings – you can put some of your own together with great effect -- trust yourself!  Using a combination of collected words (yours and those you borrow from poetry, literature or song lyrics) is just one more perfect option for expressing how you feel.  The point is to convey the message you feel in your heart, through the pen, to the paper.  If your beloved has a favorite writer or poet, borrow some of those words to augment your case – perhaps an opening or closing quote that fits the occasion.  One of my personal favorite quotes is from Shakespeare’s (Romeo and Juliet).  I memorized it at age 16 because it so perfectly described the multiplicity of love and the gifts (bounty) love brings to those who are brave enough to give themselves over to the experience.  I felt it when I first read those words and still know its truth today.  Of her love for him, Juliet told Romeo “My bounties are as boundless as the sea, my love as deep – the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”  Of course, you must give proper attribution (credit) where due.  Taking credit for words that are later found to have come from “Phantom of the Opera,” or Ralph Waldo Emerson will backfire and ruin the hard work you put into your love letter.  Attribution can be done in many ways, from “Shakespeare once said, “My bounties….” to simply putting the quote at the bottom of the letter with the author's name following it. 

Wonder where to find a poem, quote or lyric that you remember vaguely but want to see the words to inspire you?  The internet is a great place to find it and my personal favorite for excellent search results is Google.

Above all, keep your letter real.  Your Love Letter should be a carefully crafted work of your heart's art, built on the sincerity and timelessness of your feelings and devotion for the person who will one day cherish the Love Letter.  Remember that the letter’s mission is to draw your beloved closer to you.  A sure way to do so is to be open and sincere in all you write.  Once you decide you love fully, open yourself to revisit how you came to be in love and find yourself feeling as you do.  You simply cannot go wrong.  It is a worthwhile investment of your feelings and vulnerabilities to be confident in expressing your memories, emotions, hopes and future dreams for your life as a couple.

7. Closing Your Letter.  End your Love Letter with carefully worded prose. Perhaps stating your relief in getting the words out or an affirmation of how good it feels to say what you feel so keenly each hour of the day.  "Now I can sleep better knowing I have told you what is in my heart and of my fervent wish that we be together on this journey forever."  Just as you have done with the entire letter until this point, make your closing a powerful reminder of how you feel -- and keep it confident and positive.

8. Closing the Letter.  Try to avoid the standard letter sign off of “Love, Jerry” Or “All My Love, Mary.”  It is trite and diminishes the hard work you have already invested in the love letter.  Finish the letter with a romantic and open ended greeting such as “Until I see You Again,” or “Dream of me, as I do each night of You.”  The aim here is a more powerful and heartfelt sign off -- in keeping with the contents of the letter itself.  Remember, your loved one will treasure each word in the years to come.

9.  Just when you thought you were finished…...Take an opportunity to enclose a little “something extra.”  You might include rose petals, a light spritz of your signature perfume or cologne (do not spray on the ink of the letter as it may run, spray lightly on the reverse of the letter (or the interior of the envelope), a lucky coin (token coin from a special trip to Las Vegas or another vacation), a silver dollar minted the year you were born).  Add, a relatively inexpensive, small but pretty antique broach, a charm for her charm bracelet relevant to where you met, or a charm slide for a neck chain with the same idea in mind.  That little “finishing touch” takes your thoughtfulness to even greater heights.
 
10.  You Carefully Wrote “The Gift,” Now Package With Care.  Gently fold the Love Letter in half through the center with the writing inside the fold (or tri-fold for larger paper and business size envelopes).  Slide the letter into a neatly addressed and stamped envelope matching the paper stationery.  The post office often has stamps of a romantic nature on sale such as the Love stamp, or a floral would be great too.  The Victorians had a tradition that signified “I Love You” by affixing the stamp upside down – you might want to carry on the tradition.  The perfectly placed letter slides into the envelope with the crease at the bottom of the envelope and the salutation facing the back.  Just as you hand wrote the letter, hand address the envelope.  Use your best penmanship, the fact that it is by your own hand is very precious and personal. 

I hope that one day your letter inspires your grandchildren as my grandparents still inspires me to believe in the power of love and family.  If you have time, stop by my store "The Write Place Ladies Clothing" where you naqme the price you pay every day or my auctions (Pepper120851 for great old fashioned bargains!

Happy Writing!