This guide will cover general advice on how to establish a time line, pick a budget, choose diamonds, choose a ring, stay sane, and pull it all off with out too much worry.

    I have been there. Yes. I survived and you can too!

    I have several tips for all you want to be ball and chainers. And you can learn from my experience on all facets of getting engaged. What to worry about, and what not to worry about. Come with me on this journey of a life time, because if you're lucky it will happen only once! 

    First things first, and let me get this out there, these things depend a lot on the type of girl you are trying to woo, but in general if she is sane (as far as women go that is) these tips should go over well.

    The most important thing you can do is plan. Plan well ahead of the actual event what you want to do. This will be your biggest ally in making things run smoothly, and making sure you get the ring that is right for both of you.

    Tradition is a big deal with weddings for most women, you will need to know these things, and will be expected to perform these duties! The first and most important duty of the engagement is you must ask her father for her hand! If she doesn’t know daddy or he has departed this earth, her mother will do. If she's not around either, find someone to ask, generally a father figure is the best idea. Why you ask? Because, this is a sign of respect to her family, and to her. You are submitting yourself to judgment by her father. Just think if your little girl was getting married and some kid, who you thought was a total punk came and asked you for her hand. It shows respect, and if you are genuine, your words will be enough to convince almost anyone to give her away to you. If you and her family don't get along so well this is even more of a reason to do this! You will probably have to see these people a couple of times a year anyway so you might as well try and get in good with them. This action in and of itself shows a lot of maturity and can reveal your pure intentions. Consider very hard if you intend to not take this step.

    Another tradition that you should certainly obey is the surprise tradition! Make her feel like a princess and you have suddenly come to steal her away. Now, don't take this too literally. After two dates is generally not a good time to propose. If you haven't talked about getting married then it is not a good time yet. But it is possible for her to know she is going to get engaged to you at some point, but not when. Lying is a fully acceptable way to achieve this end, and she will love you for it. Plan out something unique to do, or something beautiful to capture the moment. Make it something she will tell her friends about for years! This will win you huge points! Go for style, do something you might not normally do to show her your dedication. I personally got her off track by faking money problems to her, when I was really saving away like a mad man for the ring, this got her to think that I had no way to buy a ring at the time, thus making an engagement impossible, and a huge surprise when it happened. This occurred even though she knew I was going to ask her within the next 6 months! It's possible, but be careful, as I said before plan, plan, plan! If you will be doing something unique or something that might go wrong if you are nervous and forget your plan, practice! The key thing that kept me going when I was carrying out the plan was my knowledge of it. I had walked through it thousands of times in my head for months before it actually happened. When it came time for the big show, I was the star, and I knew all my lines perfectly.

    Another tradition to consider is that of the diamond ring. This has only really been a big deal since about the 1940's in the US. prior to that an engagement ring didn’t have to be anything in particular. Nowadays, thanks to advertising, the diamond ring is the standard. Though they can come in many shapes and sizes diamonds are beautiful and expensive! The most traditional ring is the tiffany style solitaire round brilliant diamond ring. But some designs can get crazy! I would recommend that you.... go shopping... with the girl... for rings. I know, it sounds so obvious! She'll instantly know what's up! But fear not, just look at the above section for advice on surprise. Regardless, you may think you know what she wants, she may think she knows what she wants, but until you both look together, neither of you really know. Some girls like gaudy multi-diamond large rings, others want something small (lucky you if you got one of these). The only way I would suggest not doing this is if you present her a generic ring when you get engaged with the intention of shopping together after the fact. Some jewelers will do this, but keep in mind that they may lock you into purchasing one of their rings this way, and that some girls might not like this approach. Shopping will give you ideas about price ranges, her ring size, what size stone or type of ring looks good on her hand, and what she wants! She may not even want a diamond (lucky you), or she may only marry you if you give her hundreds (find another girl!). Shop with her to figure this out. Plus, if you have already talked about marriage this will let her know you are thinking about it, which will impress her. If you haven't discussed it, don't say "Hey lets go look at wedding rings," just tell her you'd like to look at some jewelry, if she's game she'll let you know. Don't be afraid to tell her something is too expensive either! If you don't she might expect something you can't get her!

    With expense in mind let me mention the salary tradition. The salary tradition states that you should spend two to three months salary on the ring for the woman. This is something put out by the diamond companies to get you to break the bank on the lady. The key here is that if she doesn’t care how much it costs, and I would argue that she shouldn’t care, then don’t get her something huge unless it is well within your means to do so! My stand on this now is be modest. Don’t spend all the money you can put forth at the time for the ring, but don’t go too cheap either. The ring should make your budget sacrifice some, but not be a martyr. You can always upgrade the diamond later when you have a better job, or just have more saved up. I made the mistake of thinking that bigger was better and I went ahead and bought a 1.01 carat diamond that was $5,000 while subsiting on a minnimum wage income! It looks gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but I know she would have said yes to me if it had been a $300 ring. Now, that’s not to say I should have bought a three hundred dollar ring. No, go for something that will take sacrifice, but not too much. Prove your love through interactions with her, not just by spending big. If I could do it again I would have gotten a $2.5K-$3K ring. She would have said yes, I would have more money in my pocket right now, and I would have room to upgrade at a later time. Don’t get me wrong, she loves the ring she has, and I like to look at it and have her friends comment on it, but it wasn’t worth all that money. Take a more reasonable stance and get something modest for your budget. 

    Make sure you choose the right metal for the ring too, know what color of metal she wants. Obviously if she wants yellow gold, you’ve got yellow gold, but silver metals are becoming more popular and present some different issues. Platinum has many great qualities about it including strength and lasting color without the need to be re-plated. Platinum is much stronger than gold meaning that the likely hood of one of the prongs breaking is much lower. It also is a naturally silver metal unlike gold, so it does not need to be plated to keep its silver color. The problem with platinum is that it is oh so expensive. It also develops a brushed metal “sheen” to it that many women do not like since it doesn’t have the mirror shine of gold. Gold is great because it is not as expensive as platinum, and it can be shined to a mirror finish. Gold also happens to be weaker than platinum, so the odds of a prong breaking is higher. White gold also needs to be re-plated occasionally to keep its whiteness, since the outermost layer on a white gold ring is a plating of rhodium that will wear off over several years showing through the more yellow under metals. Gold is also softer meaning it is more prone to scratching. However, many of the faults of gold can be overcome. For example, choosing a lower carat gold such as 10 cart will make the gold harder, so the prongs stay thicker longer and the ring won’t get as scratched, and when the plating wears off the under metal will not be as yellow, so it will be able to go longer without being plated again. Also just keeping an eye on the prongs can insure you won’t suddenly lose one. I ended up going with white gold because the ring I chose had 8 prongs, and the price difference between gold and platinum was significant. She also liked the mirror finish of white gold as opposed to the brushed metal look of platinum.

    Here’s the good stuff. How to pick a diamond. My first bit of advice is this: The numbers don’t matter so long as it looks good. It is true, the four C’s do give an idea of how the diamond will appear, but there are so many other things that play into it. The four C’s are Color, Cut, Clarity, and Carat. You can do a lot of research on the four C’s and know all there is to know about the numbers and pick out a diamond that should be perfect based on its numbers, and yet, it will still somehow not look as good as another “lesser” diamond. I have seen this personally, and that is why websites are able to sell diamonds cheaper. The numbers look great on the website, but the diamond doesn’t have the fire the numbers would suggest, and most people don’t even notice. The numbers say things about the physical nature of the diamond, but unless you see it you don’t know if it’s pretty or not. I would highly recommend going to a jewelry store that carries loose diamonds, and ask them to compare different grades of diamonds to see exactly what looks good.
A ‘D’ color is gorgeous, I have seen them, they almost glow with a certain whiteness, but a ‘G’ color is certainly acceptable for almost everyone. They aren’t as bright, but once in a setting, it’s difficult to tell the difference. If you are getting a yellow gold ring you’ll see that color may not matter so much since any yellowness in the diamond will simply disappear in the gold.
 Cut is important only insomuch as the wearer can tell a difference in the shimmer between two diamonds. Find something that has fire to it, and don’t worry about the numbers for the cut.
Clarity, once again is all up to who is looking at it. The difference between VS1 and S1 might not be a big deal if you can’t spot the imperfections causing the downgrade.
Carat is where a lot of people start with the numbers, just because it is the biggest budget determiner and the most noticeable thing about a diamond. One carat is a rather large diamond, especially as a solitaire, this is a great size to get if you have the money, however, getting multiple smaller diamonds can get you more sparkling surface area, and a larger total carat weight for less money. Also, the smaller the diamond, the more you can let down the standards for clarity, as it will be even harder to see imperfections. Seriously, go look at diamonds, and see the difference. Girls, aren’t too big on numbers in general anyway right? They can’t tell you how much RAM their computer has, or how big the hard drive is right! So she probably won’t be asking if you got her a ‘D’ color and VVS1 cut diamond. So get her something shiny. That’s all she cares about.

    When it comes down to the engagement, don’t try and find the ring one week before you plan to put on the big show! Make sure you have a ring secured well in advance. This is especially important with eBay! Just think, with eBay you have to surf among hundreds of rings, most of which won’t quite be what you want, negotiate payment, and wait for it to get shipped. You need time to find the perfect ring on eBay. Plan ahead. When you do win that auction though, be ready, have the money on hand and be a good communicator. You will want to establish communication with the seller of your target ring before the auction ends! Let them know when you need it, how you’d like it shipped, what their return policy is, and how you can go about payment. The return policy is crucial because like I said before, seeing the diamond is the most important thing you can do. The numbers might be a trick, or they might have left out the fact that the diamond is cracked, oddly shaped, not real, or any other number if things that could make you want to send it back. As far as payment goes, be very careful as always, but especially since rings cost a lot and therefore are prone to scammers. Don’t pay with anything you can’t get back! No money orders or wires. Paypal is sweet, but remember they only cover $1,000.00 if the deal goes sour.
I would suggest that if the price is too much higher than $1,000.00 you use an escrow service. eBay’s official service is www.esrcow.com The fees are an additional pain you’ll have, but the security is something you’ll want if the other party gets any bad ideas about not sending you the ring, or even if its not what you wanted, or they misrepresented it. The good thing about escrow is that your money is safe, and you can return the ring if you don’t like it for any reason. The downside is the fees and the time it takes to execute a transaction. If you want to brave it without an escrow service try to stick to sellers who have lots of good feedback, and don’t deal with anyone who tries to negotiate or start a deal with you outside of eBay, that’s just trouble. Also, international sellers are a bigger risk because of the difficulty of enforcing laws between nations. The FBI is more concerned with busting big fish than catching someone who made off with $3,000 to God knows where. Just be careful out there.

    That’s all the advice I have for you. Feel free to shoot me a message and ask about anything in particular, make suggestions for the guide, or tell about grammer/spelling mistakes.