Engagement & Wedding Party Guidelines

The occasion of a wedding can be an expensive event for not only the bride and groom's family but also for their friends and relatives.

These affairs include the engagement party, the luncheon the bride gives her bridesmaids, the groom's bachelor party, athe rehearsal dinner, and the main social event - The Wedding Reception.

These are all joyous occasions and everyone close to the bride and groom looks forward to them.  They also add to the expense and stress of  a wedding.

This guide is intended  to help ease as much of the  tension and anxiety as possible.

Gift Giving

Remember... it's fact that some of the same people are likely to attend one or more of the wedding related events, as well as the ceremony and reception.

1. Anyone who has already given the couple an engagement gift is not expected to give another gift if they are later invited to a formal engagement party.
2. A couple intending to have several pre-wedding parties and showers should invite different guests to each one.
3. It's appropriate for the host/hostess of a pre-wedding party or shower to give the couple wedding gifts as well.
4. When a party or shower takes palce shortly before the wedding, any gift given at the event may be considered the wedding present.
5. Members of the wedding party are exempt from the requirement to give more than a token wedding gift.  The same holds true for anyone traveling a long distance at his or her own expense to attend the wedding.
6. If friends and relatives volunteer to help out with wedding-related chores because they know they aren't able to afford and expensive wedding gift you should go out of your way to thank these people for their "gift of time and effort."  Nothing else should be expected from them.
7. If a friend is a professional and offers to give his or her wedding gift in the form of services, the couple should consider the service as that person's wedding gift.

Brides should be careful about accepting free services from friends and relatives.  Donated services can lead to embarrassing situations.

The Engagement Party

The Bride's parents customarily host the engagement party.  However, it is appropriate for anyone to give the party.  The couple should not host the party themselves, unless those invited are family members only.  If the couple's families have not been introduced to each other this an excellent opportunity for them to get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere.  Most engagement parties are informal affairs, brunch, luncheon or dinner.  Cocktail parties at a private home or restaurant are also suitable places for the celebration.  You can host an even more casual picnic.  It all depends on the wishes of  the engaged couple and the bride's parents, if they are hosting they party.  When everyone has gathered at the party, it is customary to make the formal engagement announcement during a toast.  Typically, the bride's father has the privelege of making the announcement and to wish his daughter and her husband to be a long and happy life together.

Rules of Etiquette That Apply to Engagement Parties

• It should go without saying that both the bride and groom must attend the engagement party, hence it is given in their honor.
• Those invited generally feel obligated to bring gifts.  Etiquette doesn't require this and the couple should not expect it.  If the couple does receive gifts at their engagement party they should feel doubly grateful and promptly send "thank you" notes.
• Gifts brought to an engagement party should be opened in private, not in front of the guests as part of the festivities.
• Delay the formal engagement party until after the wedding guest list has been created.  You should not invite anyone to the engagement party who you do not intend to invite to the wedding.  If you do you will run the risk of hurt feelings!
• Written invitations are appropriate, it is also appropriate to call people on the telephone to invite them to an engagement party.  Time and formality of the party should influence this decision.
• When formal invitations are sent the engagement is not a surprise, your invitation could read "in honour of Lynn Taylor and David Smith" or "Please join us in celebrating the engagement of...."  Couples may have their own reasons for wanting to withhold the announcement of their engagement until unsuspecting guests have arrived at the party.  In this case, the invitation should be a general party invitation.  It's best not to mention the couple's names in the invitation so that the surprise is given away in advance.

As soon as possible after a party, the engaged couple should make a special effort to thank the persons who hosted the event.  Personal notes and a gift of some kind is appropriate (flowers, dinner invitation, a small token of appreciation) are in order, even if the host were the Bride's parents!

I hope my simple guidelines have helped answer a few of your questions

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