Almost every eBay user, whether buying or selling, eventually has a problem transaction. In this guide I'd like to offer a few pointers for writing professional, effective, factual and calm emails in these problem situations. Since most of my transactions on eBay are as a seller, much of what I present will be from that viewpoint, but my "rules" can be applied as a buyer as well.

You've sold a pair of jeans to a buyer and included all of the detailed measurements in your ad. You've also included a generous return policy. Your buyer sends you an angry email telling you that the jeans arrived but don't fit and threatening negative feedback if you don't immediately issue a refund. "You said these were a size12!", the angry buyer writes. "I've been wearing size 12 jeans all my life and I can't even zipper these! I'm tired of lying sellers. Give me my money back!"

You immediately sit down to write to the buyer. You think -- "Look, you idiot, that's why I posted the measurements. Are you too stupid to know that size 12 isn't the same for all manufacturers? What a moron!"

In order to effectively handle the problem, however, you really can't call the buyer a moron but you're too angry to think straight. Here's where my rules come into play:

1. Stick to the facts. Write down all of the facts; i.e., that the actual measurements were posted and different clothing makers use different sizing standards. It is very important to include only these facts in your email. The buyer doesn't care how long you've been on eBay, how many satisfactory transactions you've had, how your mother brought you up not to cheat people, how you resent the tone of her email, how your last customer threatened you and you wallopped her with the worst negative feedback of her life. None of this matters to the buyer, and has nothing to do with this transaction. Just write down the bare facts in your email.

2. Give the benefit of the doubt. Your buyer might be the nicest person in the world just having a bad day. Her husband might have told her she looked fat and the jeans not fitting might have sent her over the edge. She might have had other bad eBay transactions and wasn't thinking straight when she sent her angry email. Assume that she's really a nice person and add a sentence to the beginning of your email that addresses this: "I'm very sorry that you are not happy with the jeans and understand that you want to work with me to resolve this situation". No, you can't add that word to the end of the sentence.

3. Offer a solution. Your policy states that you will give a refund upon return of the item. Remind the buyer of this stipulation. Tell her that you will be happy to refund her money when you have received the jeans back in your hands.

4. . Stay calm throughout. Write all the nasty words you're thinking of on paper if it makes you feel better! Have you ever had an argument with someone who won't argue back? If you have, then you know how frustrating that can be! By staying calm and refusing to show the buyer you are riled, you are getting your revenge in the best possible way. Not that you want revenge, of course! Oh, no!

5. Stick to your guns. This rule is for any follow-up communication you may have after your initial email. Don't allow the buyer to bully you with threats of negative feedback. If she refuses to return the jeans, then refuse to give a refund. Remind the buyer that she should have read your return policy before she bid and that, in bidding, she agreed to make the return first.

So, in the end, your email to your buyer will read something like this:

"I'm very sorry that you are not happy with the jeans and understand that you want to work with me to resolve this situation. As you can see, the tag shows the jeans as a size 12. However, since size differs among clothing manufacturers, I also provided detailed measurements so that you could measure yourself and be sure the jeans would fit. Please return the jeans to me. As my refund policy states, I will be glad to give you a refund of the purchase price when I receive them. Thank you for giving me a chance to resolve this situation."

Remember the rules:

1. Stick to the facts.
2. Give the benefit of the doubt.
3. Offer a solution.
4. Stay calm.
5. Stick to your guns.

You'll find that, though there are people out there who just can't be pleased, most of your eBay partners will respond well to calm, professional communication!