This guide is intended to inform you of things you can do to make your "BirthDay"  the most pleasurable experience. I am a mother of four with experience in delivering babies in three different atmospheres.

Be informed.

You will not experience a flaw free birth if you do not educate yourself. Do not expect that your doctor will inform you of everything you need to know either. Before making any decision, speak to a Doctor and a mid-wife. Ask for patient referrals. Ask them to tell you how important your decisions are in their care for you. Get them to put it in writing, and you will see how truthful they are. Research all of the Hospitals, birthing centers, and midwives in your area, and find out thier mortality rate for babies and mothers. Look for amenities that you are looking for.many mid-wives offer portable birthing pools, most birthing centers have pools or tubs, and some hospitals offer bathtubs in the room. If you like to soak in the tub, this is a must for you. However some hospitals do not have a doppler that will allow you to be monitored in the water, so pass it up because it is not worth the hassle if you have to get in and out.Know beforehand your quickest route for the mid-wife to get to your house, or you to get to the hospital or birthing center. Find out how many people will be allowed to be with you. If you want your older children to be with you, find out if it is allowed. Find out if your spouse is allowed to stay overnight with you. Get the price up front. Set up a payment plan, or file your insurance.Research and see if you are eligible for medicaid (many states have money available for mothers even if you don't live in poverty and have insurance.) if you are self pay, and you decide to deliver in the hospital, remember that their are hidden charges for things such as receiving blankets, and in some places tv use.Get an itemized list of what you will be charged for.

There are many books to choose from, but many contradict each other. I reccomend four books. If you read these, I assure you that you will have the confidence , and wisdom to be able to conceive and Deliver your baby laughing !

1. Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize
2. Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Months by Richard I. Feinbloom, M.D.
3. Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read
4. Birthing The Easy Way (by someone who learned the hard way) by Sheila Stubbs
5. The Naturally Healthy Pregnancy by Shonda Parker

After reading these books, write out your vision of your perfect birth. Don't envision pain,complications, or pre-conceived fears. Just write your perfect birth plan. Include who you want to be there, and where you want to be. Give this birth plan to your potential mid-wife and doctor. Let them tell you what they will do to make it happen. Have them sign your birth plan. Give your healthcare provider  and hospital of choice a signed copy of your birth-plan. Keep a copy

 in your purse and in your home. Have your spouse keep a copy with him as well. Be specific in your birth plan.Do not use terms such as "I would like or I wouldn't like" , but rather "Iwill have, or I won't have" Whether you are using a Doctor or Mid-wife, get a copy of your rights as a patient.

Do you prefer to use the bathroom at home,or at the Doctor's office?

Iam willing to bet you said, "at home."

I will rate my five labors for you. 1* being the worst & 5*'s being the best.

1. Hospital:  * Like painfully trying to use the bathroom in a urinal at the doctor's office with everybody you don't know, watching and screaming.(i had not read any of the books I mentioned at this time. The next 3,I did )
2. Birthing Center: *** Like using the bathroom at your friends house without any pain.
3. Hospital: **Like  having mild discomfort using the bathroom with people outside the stall yelling at you because you won't let them in to tell you how to do it.
4. Home: ***** Like getting a beautifully wrapped gift laid in your lap while wearing your favorite pajamas and drinking your favorite drink. no pain. only joy!
5. Home ***** Same as above
   

Research all of your options. Speak with your spouse.  Be well informed and do not make any decisions based on opinions of biased doctors, mid-wives, or friends. Read cotrolled studies. Your spouse may disagree with your decision, but remeber this: you will experience pain when you are in an environment where you feel threatened or scared. Your spouse will more than likely oblige.

Be comfortable You do not have to wear hospital issued gowns.If you like wearing hospital gowns, then by all means go ahead. Some people wear long dresses. Some people like to cut the crotch out of a dress bathing suit (appropriate for water-birth). I wore my big maternity shirtand jogging pants at the hospital. The pants easily came off when I was ready to deliver, and the shirt was big enough to give me coverage after Elijah was born. Bring a cooler of your favorite drinks and snacks.Wear something with color. This will brighten up a pale mommy in pictures. If you like make-up, have some waterproof mascara available.If you want the lights on low, that is your right. Have music available. Have a favorite book, or movie preferabbly a comic. Laughing creates natural pain killers. In my last labor, I remember all the funny joking that we did up until 5 minutes before Caleb was put on my chest! If the tv is on, let it be to your liking. Talk on the phone if you are a gabber. Conversations will help time pass like nothing else. If your spouse or midwife or doula is not a talker, have your best friend be there if at all possible. Even if this means you have to arrange different baby sitter plans.

Avoid negative people. If you get stressed when you are around a certain person, DO NOT LET THEM NEAR YOU WHEN YOU ARE IN LABOR!  Your birthday is yours. If you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, be polite but say that it is a private matter to you, and you would rather them wait for you to call. (this applies to in-law situations as well) Negative people will cause you to tighten up therefore causing pain.

 Have your babysitter availabe to let the siblings see mommy when she wants and ready to get them out of the way. If you like, let them be involved. Let them get towels, drinks or rub your back. Prepare them for something they might see beforehand, like saying " Mommy might bleed , but it is not bad blood like when you get a boo-boo, but good blood that has protected baby sister."  Some may disapprove of children watching, but if you are transparent with your children, and don't shame them for being naked in the bath tub, it is no different. Have them at your head. Believe me they will have a memory that will make them more connected to your new addition!

Have someone there just to take pictures (so that your support partners can do their job) if allowed.Have them use black and white film as well as color, or use a digital camera.(it hides imperfections) Let others cater to you and don't feel bad. Have a doula (free service in many hospitals). Let her advocate for your emotional needs.

 Be best friends with whomever is going to be between your legs.If you start now, knowing your rights, and being informed, you will find the perfect health care provider that will live up to your expectations. You are the customer, and you are always right.! If you get halfway through and you feel uncomfortable with your health care provider,or you find out they will not be there to deliver you, it is not too late to look elsewhere.  If you are in a hospital ,and you have a nurse that is not treating you properly, request another one. Studies show that on average people "coaching" (or yelling) you to push only deliver 13 minutes earlier. So would you want a painful or uncomfortable shorter labor, or a quiet serene longer labor by about 13 minutes? Ask any one that is yelling at you toplease be quiet. I suggest that you don't push at all. Just relax and let your body do what it is supposed to. But either way, you are the best judge as to wether to push or not. Any time a doctor, nurse or midwife tells you to do something, ask "Do I have to?" This is one of the most important things to remeber.  "Do you have to?", is just as important. Many procedures or medicines are considered the norm, but aren't mandatory.  If you want to stand up, squat, or be on all fours, tell them, don't ask. It might be a little bit uncomfortable for those in attendance, but are they in labor or you? An IV can be inserted quickly if needed at any time, so don't get hooked up to machines. You only have to be monitored for a certain amount of time ( 10 minutes) out of every hour. You do not have to stay hooked up to it.

 Your baby does not have to be rushed off (in most cases) when it is delivered. You should be able to hold that child as long as you like. It is your baby.  It is vital for parents and baby to stay together. This is bonding that can't be duplicated. IF his temperature is low, let it lay upon your chest unclothed under covers. Your heat is just as good as an incubator. Don't let Daddy get looked over. Because his introduction to the new baby is just as important as yours

Other things you would like to have done before the baby is here....

1. Freeze Casseroles
2. Have or borrow a video recorder
3. Purchase a motherhood maternity nursing tank top with built in bra for you to comfortably nurse in until you establish your milk.
4. Purchase a Le Mystere Nursing Bra for when your milk comes in. This is Oprah's favorite bra and retails for over 75.00$It is a must have for nursing mommy's(when you open the flap,your breast doesn't fall to your belly button). You need to put it on your favorite searches.
5. Purchase on ebay, for as little as 40.00$, a 250.00$ ameda breast pump for when your milk comes in. This pump is one of the only two pumps that won't let your milk get contaminated. I like the ameda because it is quiet,and closely mimicks my baby's nursing.
6. Get your hair cut a week or so before your due date.
7. Paint your toes nails your favorite color.(and shave)
8. More than likely, there will be close-ups of you holding the baby.  Close to your due date, give-yourself or have done a simple french-manicure (as cheap as 10.00). These simple pamperings will do wonders for your self esteem and confidence.
9. Have your bag ready. Buy at least onepreemie outfit (along with the bibs,booties,gowns,hats and onsies) Your baby might not be in it long, but it will fit snugly and make great pictures. Have in your bag some waterproof mascara,lip gloss, good smelling shower gel (& favorite loofah), newborn diapers, and an outfit purchased for your special day for you.
10. Have a list of people that said "Call me if you need anything," Use the list. Don't wait until they call you.
11. Write a letter to the Children you already have recalling how special their first "Birthday" was, and memorable milestones.
12. Come to terms with the fact that you are to stay in bed for atleast the first week after you have the baby no matter how strong you feel. This is important bonding time between you and your baby.
13. Visit a La Leche Legue meeting.
14.  Quit all bad habits that would cause you to be considered an "at risk" patient.

Most importantly accept the gift that was placed in your womb, and believe that you ARE capable of being the best mommy in the world!

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