Dealing with elderly parents and doctors can be tough.  As an adult child of an elderly parent, we often have to deal with the following, sometimes conflicting, desires/issues:

• Our desire to help our parents be as healthy as possible.
• The knowledge of our parent’s TRUE health issues.
• Our respect for our parent’s role as our father/mother.
• Their tendency to minimize or forget key health issues they are experiencing.
• Issues with some health care providers dismissing our input.

Here are a few tips I've come up with, while learning to assist my 83 year old father who suffers from dementia with his health concerns.  Important Disclaimer:  I am neither a medical nor a legal professional.  The advice provided in this guide is not meant as a substitute for the advice of certified medical or legal professionals.  You are encouraged to discuss these recommendations with medical/legal professional(s) prior to taking any type of action.

Tip 1)

Make sure your parent(s) have all of their legal affairs in order.  If they are unable to handle their medical issues themselves, you will need a medical power of attorney to act on your parent's behalf, as their health care advocate.

Important Note:  The HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996) has strict rules for protecting patient privacy.  Without a valid medical power of attorney, your parent's health care provider(s) will NOT release medical information to you, regardless of your relationship to their patient.

Tip 2)

Be familiar and keep a written copy of your parent's health history.  Doctors and hospitals frequently ask for this information, prior to providing services.  It is especially important to know things like blood type, major diseases, accidents or surgeries and the last time they saw a doctor or were hospitalized.

Tip 3) Keep a simple dated journal of your parents health status.  When you see them or speak with them, make note of any health-related complaints or issues.  Make note of any recurring or long-lasting complaint as it could be a sign of something more serious.

Tip 4)

Find health care providers who are willing to work with you.  If a health care provider is dismissive, refuses to listen to your objective input or share information freely, find a different provider!

Tip 5)

Don't get caught in the middle.  If your parent tends to minimize or forget key health issues they are experiencing, try this; Prior to your parent's next healthcare appointment, use your notes about their health (See Tip 3) to write up a short summary of their current health status.  Provide this to the healthcare provider and let them know that you are available to speak with them privately about any discrepancies between your version and what they hear from your parent.

Elderly parent's can be like children and will sometimes play you against the doctor.  I have learned to stay in the lobby during appointments.  If the doctor wants to verify information or discuss a particular issue, I ask to speak with them privately.

Tip 6)

If you have siblings, talk with them regularly about your parent's health issues.  If possible, come to an agreement that spreads out the burden of handling these issues evenly.  Make sure you all understand your parent's wishes and agree on important topics such as living wills, heroic measures, organ donation, etc.

Tip 7)

Talk with other people who are in the same situation.  Compare notes, encourage each other and be there for each other during health care crisis.  You might also want to read and discuss books such as:

• How to Care for Aging Parents
• Elder Rage
• How to Honor Your Aging Parents

Summary

All of us get old and our bodies eventually wear out.  Do what you can to encourage your aging parent to remain active, eat well and get the medical care they need.  Make sure they know that you are willing to help, but that they need to do their part as well.

A Special Note for Children of Parents suffering from Dementia / Alzheimer's

If your parent suffers from dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, you will have the added challenge of them consistently not remembering key facts about their recent and even past medical history.  This makes it even more important to have a complete record of both their past and recent medical history in your possession.