Your mom and dad used to take care of you, but now it's your turn.  Watching a parent succumb to the ills of old age is painful.  When you're responsible for medical and financial decisions, it can be downright overwhelming.  There are the nagging worries:  Did Mom take her medicine?  Should I get Dad's heart checked?  What did the doctor mean by "potentially harmful"?  This may be one of the toughest things you've faced, but in the end, it's worth it.  If you're feeling drained and need some encouragement, this guide will give you the support and tips you need to cope.

When Mom and Dad Get Older   

As we seek to honor and care for our aging parents, we need to assess these areas:

Housing   

• Is the living situation adequate?  Does your mom or dad need added services to stay in their current home?  For example, yard work, home maintenance, housekeeping, or transportation.
• Is the home adaptable?  Is there a first-floor bedroom and bath, accessible from the outside without steps?
• What are your parent's wishes about housing and care should they become incapacitated?
• Is there a need for assistance regarding grocery shopping and making meals?  Meals-on-Wheels, individual frozen dinners and microwave meals can help elderly parents remain independent.

Financial and Legal    

• Are your parents managing their finances adequately?  Can you help with writing checks, making deposits, or by having their bills sent to you instead of them?

• Is there an inventory of assets, including insurance policies and retirement plans?  Is property held jointly with others?  Who are the beneficiaries of these policies?

• Have they had legal counsel on drawing up an estate plan?

• Are essential documents prepared and available as needed?  General power of attorney, advance directives for health care and a will should be prepared.

• Does someone know the location of their safety deposit box and key?  Also, are there documents or valuables stored in other places?  Are keys or passwords involved?

Day to Day Strategies    

The answers to the above questions will help you determine some things you can do to help your aging parents deal with basic funtions of life.   Following are some tips for caring for your elderly parents on a day-to-day basis.

• Make sure your parent is as involved as possible in routine decisions.
  Excluding your parent from routine decision-making can result in a loss of dignity for your mom or dad and ill will.  Whether it's a matter of asking your parent if they would prefer that you make their doctor appointment on Tuesday or Thursday, or letting him/her choose between a blue or a red transport wheelchair, inviting an opinion will go a long way towards continued feelings of independence on the part of your parent, and good communication between you both.
• Remain positive at all costs.
  Caring for your elderly parent can be very stressful and tiring.  It's important to make sure you maintain a positive attitude at all times.  Keep in mind that it's probably extremely difficult for your mom or dad to transition from the caregiver role to the role of being taken care of by his/her child.  This can result in short tempers and uncharacteristic behavior, by both of you.  You, as the caregiver, should make a special effort to overlook any perceived slights, and to do your best to keep things positive and happy.
• Provide for your parent's basic needs.
  Your elderly parent might be hesitant to mention difficulties with performing basic daily necessities, such as bathing, eating, toileting, etc.  Be sure to keep the lines of communication open, pleasant, and without shame.  If your mom or dad is finding these daily tasks to be troublesome, offer to provide equipment that will make the task or activity less problematic.  A raised toilet seat with arms can make it so much easier for your parent to lower or raise himself/herself from the toilet.  A bathtub transfer bench can transform bathing from a painful ordeal into an effortless task.  Make sure you know the problems your parent is facing in his/her day-to-day life, and that you are doing everything you can to help.

Summary    

Caring for an elderly parent can be a very challenging responsibility.  The information above will give you some tips and information to help you cope, and make things better for both you and your mom or dad.

 Copyright 02/15/2006, Affordable Med Supplies, Inc.  All rights reserved.  The contents of this work shall not be used, in whole or in part, without the express written permission of Affordable Med Supplies, Inc.