A small dose of reality here for my Ebay friends that are interested in taking one of the 3-4 day cruise deals offered here. First off, they can be a blast ! Beautiful ocean, great people, good food.But some of the Ebay travel sellers here seem to be taking the whole "Departure Tax" and "Bahamian Levied Hotel Tax " to a metaphysical level of abuse. These fees are pure ripoffs. When you see a cruise offered for $199  (or a similar , implausibly low,amount), you should do your homework and dig just a bit deeper for the real cost.( Add $338 for "Taxes" and $112 for more "taxes" and you get the final cost for this $199 cruise ($649 !)

The cruise ship that you will be taking from Ft. Lauderdale to Freeport,Grand Bahama is the Discovery Sun.It is run by Discovery Cruise Lines and you need to know that it is an older ship that has seen better days.More of a ferry for locals and islanders than a real full size cruiser , it makes that trip in about 5 hours while serving a couple of meals buffet style in the dining room. It's a fun "first cruise" for travelers on a budget,but don't expect miracles for  the low price.

Well just what am I bidding on here anyway ? Good question. Darned if I know ... Discovery sells the cruise and a stay at its own web site for a LOT less and only charges a $10 "security surcharge"  (to defend against Al Queda submarines ?) to go with its own $25 "Bahamian Departure tax". I took this cruise last summer and really liked it. You probably will too,but don't pay more than you have to.

I have prepared a short question and answer section for newbies to the whole Bahamas cruise "Scene".

Q: Okay "Express92 ", If that is your REAL name, how do know that these fees, surcharges and government fees  for taxes are not legitimate, totally aboveboard fees charged by the hardworking , honest  men and women of the cruise industry that flood our email boxes with offers of the SAME cruise for free ?

A: Good question. The Bahamian government itself , on bahmastravelnet dot you-know-what says that the fee is only $15 to $18 per person.A far cry from some of the deals that demand up to $199 PP for the same thing.Switch to decaf.

Q: Then what gives here ? I mean if it is so hard to go straight to the cruise line itself online and book the cruise and avoid the ridiculous markups that these goobers charge,why doesn't everyone do it ? Hello ?

A: Because you think that because someone here on Ebay with a relatively high feedback score is selling it,it must be a screamin' deal. Uh, bad call.Again,the come-on pricing gives the game away.The reason that these guys get away with this shell game is that nobody really does the math until it is too late.

Q: So you are saying that this is becoming like renting a car,that the rate quoted is just the opening bid to pay a lot more ?

A: No, I am not saying that at all. The taxes that you pay on rental cars are real taxes,passed by lying scum politicians that want to rip off tourists (none of which,can vote them out of office). I am saying that it is more like your phone bill,where private businesses dress up all of their rip offs in official sounding names that you will just pay and assume that they are required by the GOVERNMENT . Transparency in pricing (like these little guides) should help whittle down their rip off profits.

Q: You must really be chapped at the travel pros that sell these things here. I mean, hey , we, uh,I mean they, are just trying to make a few coins ,you know,one hand washes the other, live and let live...

A: When I see the real departure tax inflated by 1000%, I think that "Pirates of the Carribean" should have had a travel agent as the lead actor.

Q: Okay, "The Love Boat" it ain't .How do I get a decent deal on a cruise and stay ? Am I doomed to pay retail for everything in life ?

A: Only if you are too lazy and unmotivated to go further up the food chain and eliminate the middleman. Go to the companies that sell these packages and check their price against the ones seen here.Ebay should be about bargains. Demand fairer pricing by not bidding on deals with outrageous "fees" and "taxes"

Q: I can't thank you enough.Mr. Express92.May I buy you a cold one ?

A: I'll be right over.

Okay folks.If you are in the travel industry, please don't email me and complain ! I would rather you write your own guide justifying the rip off fees that you are sticking on your customers.Should be good for a laugh or two. Meanwhile, the rest of you wonderful Ebayers should keep your BS detector turned WAY up when perusing these cruises. Good Luck !