30 Ways to Tell if Your Neighbours a Witch

1) You casually ask what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down to the exact number of days,

hour and minute of rising, position on horizon, and current angle of declination.

2) All the stray cats in the neighborhood tend to gather in her garden (and use your own as their litter).

3) A screech owl has chosen the lamp-post outside her house as its favorite calling-post.

That's just when it's getting warm at night and you like to sleep with the window open.

4) Most of her clothes on the washing line are black.

5) The local kids talk in whispers as they go past her house, then start running at the last moment.

6) Footprints on the roof. And the trees in her flight-path have been pruned down. I swear it's true!

7) She can't even make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs to it.

And don't ask her for a cup of tea unless you want something yellow coloured and smelling of flowers.

8) When you pop next door for a chat, the kettle is always already on.

9) The Jehovah's Witnesses never call (not anymore; not after the last time :-).

10) Has a pond full of frogs (and you haven't seen that bothersome double-glazing salesman around for a while).

11) She's always smiling, darn her!

12) Her house always smells of incense.

13) Frequently gets raided by the drug squad who confiscate large amounts of dried green leaves;

they always return them with apologies after analysis.

14) At Christmas, it seems like half the garden has been moved into the house.

15) You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the wall.

If you look out of the window, it is usually a full moon.

16) You catch her washing a crystal ball along with the dishes.

17) She wears a lot of silver jewelry, even when doing the gardening. And bat ear-rings for goodness-sake.

18) Irritating tendency to hum a lot. What's she got to be so happy about, huh?

19) She has a tame robin that will eat from her hand in the garden. That can't be natural.

20) Never catches a cold, even though she walks barefoot most of the time. In the snow as well.

21) Doesn't kill spiders. Not even big hairy long-legged ones that suddenly appear from the waste-pipe

whilst you're having a bath.

22) She listens to what you are saying like she really cares.

23) You catch her hugging a tree.

24) You notice that the parish priest crosses himself whenever he walks past her house.

25) To your certain knowledge she has never set foot in the local church.

In fact, you have heard rumours that she has been barred from it.

26) There aren't any mirrors in her house. Or clocks.

27) She drops something on your foot and scream, "Oh Goddessdammit!"

28) She's been seen talking to cats and they talk back and they understand what she's saying.

29) Her kids and pets are all named after stones, herbs, elements, or deities.

29) There is an over-abundance of ravens and crows around her home.

30) She knows dragons and faeries exist because she's seen them.