1. Keep Eating White Bread: Not only does white bread contain more calories and fewer nutrients compared to its whole-wheat counterpart, but it helps spike your blood sugar story more calories as fat.

2. Keep Soda in your FoodSpace Top 8: Soda is not only the best way to add empty sugar calories to your diet, but it also helps to add pounds to the scale and inches to your waistline.

3. Go for Gold... in the Couch Potato Olympics: Every hour you spend lying in front of the T.V. is another hour you don't spend exercising. Exercise is over-rated anyways.

4. Avoid Stairs like the Plague: Building designers install elevators for a reason, mainly to keep you from doing any more exercise than absolutely necessary.

5. Prime Parking Spaces: Don't get out of your car unless you're parked as close to your destination as possible. Buy a motorized scooter if you constantly find yourself without a close parking space.

6. 6 Small Meals a Day: Are you serious? 7-8 Large Meals are where it's at. The 6 Small Meals Moniker is for sissies.

7. Sit Down: Scratch that... lie down, whenever possible (In the shower, on the phone, while eating, etc...) Lying down burns way less calories than sitting up, and up to 85% fewer calories than standing.

8. Identify with the Real Food Groups: Candy, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Trans Fats, Sweets, Sugars, and High Fat, High Sodium Meat Products. All other foods are completely useless to you.

9. Hire a nanny/pet sitter: To make sure you don't burn needed calories you should definitely hire someone to take care of your everyday needs, such as taking your dog for a walk or playing with your children.

10. Avoid Sports at All Costs: Unless they're on T.V. and you're lying down. But make sure you don't cheer too hard while watching... Plus, Sports cause injuries and the feeling that comes with winning is over-rated.

Obviously this guide is meant to be sarcastic. And doing the exact opposite of everything on it will help you get on the fast track to fitness. 

You can find more guides like this by checking out all my guides, or you can subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive free fitness tips, tricks, and ideas every month.

Please don't hesitate to contact me with questions, comments, or suggestions.

Thank you for checking out my guide,

Randall, of Randalls-eBooks

IF YOU FIND THIS GUIDE HELPFUL PLEASE REMEMBER TO VOTE. Thank you.

11. Bonus Tip: I almost forgot... the most important tip of all... Always go back for seconds, and try to work your way up to thirds whenever possible.